Why the hardest decisions are worth it...

It has been a roller-coaster month for us here as a family. So many big things demand decisions, like: our youngest having a heart proceedure for her atrial defect; school obligations for our turkey womb gremlins; deciding if I will be in one place or the other when big events happen at the same time; and every other choice for the future that must be made. At this point, even "what's for dinner" leads to a brain fart the size of a Datsun backfire.

Now, today, lots to plan for since this is the last few days before a family get together (yay! Making carrot cake) and storming through laundry and packing... and, yes, dinner- stuffed baby bella mushrooms with spinach, feta, sausage, and breadcrumbs.

Since tomorrow is a full day of clients, I get to make cake too!

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Sometimes, what we think is happening is more harsh than the truth- especially when one has to prioritize events in a blended family. Given the nature of my childhood, I tend to pay more attention to the sentimental and emotional side of things- like feeling too much pressure to attend a play with my daughter in it when it was scheduled on a day that I was unavailable. The need to nurture my child was pretty strong, but it was a case of projection from my childhood along with guilt from missing so much when she was growing up (my previous clinic required my attention from 8:30A-11P or sometimes even later, so I had roughly 2 hours with my kids a day). Long story reserved for those who ask. Thankfully, after half a day of stressing and crying over a crappy situation and letting fear rule my thoughts, it occurred to me that I need only attend the play rehearsal and then be with my husband for moral support should he need it. It was such a relief! But first I had to reach comprehension with a little help from the wise counsel of my mother-in-law. Her beautiful candor is something that I can always trust, and if I were being an idiot, she would tell me. She pointed out that my daughter would always have other plays; but Brock needed me, and having peace of mind and moral support in big family situations was the biggest thing. He deserved that.

Life is full of tiny moments where little decisions can have BIG consequences. Butterfly affect again. For example, not taking time while preparing a strong foundation can cause those tiny cracks that make even the biggest of floodgates to become weakened under pressure. Taking those few extra moments of care to ensure those flood gates are secured and will withstand the hurricane blow. Creating emotional security within a blended family can be complicated, but it leads to sweet reunion. For me it took ensuring that noone felt pressured to accept me while still ensuring that it was a celebration of reunion. I'm glad I took the extra few hours to decorate the carrot cake for the family birthdays since 6 turned into a crowd.

I hope that these are the final tiny moments needed to sooth wounded hearts and absolve confusion. And I pray that my family continues in love and peace. I love you all and I hope and pray that unity prevails. Holding onto pride is a secondary emotion- the product of fear. Rest assured, all good things come to those who show love and let go of anger. And, best ever, future generations won't have pieces of family missing from their lives.

I hope some day to hug all of my family and see them all together. I want to take pictures and hug babies too! It brings tears to my eyes at God's goodness, and I pray that anger and bitterness is gone- replaced with the joy of having each other together again.

And as for the big events down the road... they are YOUR tiny moments now. Cherish them, and use them wisely. I admonish you to take your time to make healthy choices, knowing that your future happiness is created from taking your time and creating your masterpiece. Some day I hope to hear about it all from your own lips.

"The end is just the beginning." - TS Elliot

"I knew the power of a single wish, after all. Invisible and inevitable, like a butterfly that beats its wings in one corner of the globe and with that single action changes the weather halfway across the world". -Alice Hoffman