The Affect of Healing Relationships

Let me preface my gushing by saying this: no relationship is flawless or perfectly peaceful. As long as humans are imperfect, relationships will be imperfect.

Think of your favorite duos and what makes them work to make each other awesome. Nancy and Ronald Reagan had their ranch and family and took time for each other. Peanut butter and either jelly or butter make each other click with their sticky v. slippery. Yin v. yang. They complement each other.

Then there is Harley Quinn and The Joker with their ever-increasing crazy that creates disaster in the wake of their literally toxic pairing. It started with pain and it spread the pain. Could the world have done without relationships like that- maybe? But without them there would be no margin for comparison. They had their own brand of fun; but eventually Harley found her own wings without him. An anchor can be a blessing- or it can be an albatross around the neck when you should be finding safer waters.

So what does your complement look like? Does it have to be a romantic relationship? Absolutely not! There are many things to be said for platonic relationships. In fact, the love of my life was a strictly platonic friend for years before our family situations changed. I was raised to define a friend as "someone who wants the best for you and encourages you to make the right decision." Few people will tell me "Elise, you are wrong" when I am wrong. They will say "Do what makes you happy," but sometimes chosing what is best over what might seem good IS what makes you happy in the long run. A true friend will help you make the slate clean and encourage you to value yourself. Those are the people to surround yourself with.

But what does the alternative look like? Have you ever had a child who valued a stuffed animal so much that they never wanted you to take it and wash it- even though the thing looked and smelled dreadful? Now, give that animal a mouth that talks and the hands and feet to cause trouble. THAT is literally what a toxic relationship looks like. No matter how unhealthy it makes a person to have that toxic relationship, that person refuses to release themselves from that toxic relationship. The toxicity could come in a variety of forms, not just physical or verbal. In some cases a relationship is toxic through enablement- not stopping you from making poor decisions and sometimes even assisting you toward your harmful end. The friend who takes you drinking every night; the parent that buys you lottery tickets or drugs and alcohol; the spouse that controls EVERYTHING and does not value you to the point that you start to self sabotage. Toxicity has many different forms, and ALL of them allow for you to avoid making mature decisions that help you to thrive.

Relationships in general are an unavoidable part of living, so choose yours well. If that relationship does not improve your emotional health AND your wellbeing, it can become toxic. That doesn't mean that every person that ticks you off is bad for you. Sometimes the truth is the hardest thing to accept. But withholding the truth prevents that which is best in a relationship. Sometimes a parent even has to stand for a healthy life and pursuit of healthier choices and relationships. Their children may disagree with the choice, and mourn the loss of the former life they had- but to the parent who had emotional needs it was the healthy choice. Staying in unnecessary stressful situations compromises a person's health, so drop that toxic situation. Pursue what is emotionally and physically improving. Complement someone's truth today, and love those that give and receive the truth. They won't always be perfect, but they will love you and always want the best for you. Giving and receiving true love is the best life imaginable.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life. Brock, your crazy matches my crazy, and you honor me with your love and friendship. Thank you for being a wonderful leader and partner. Amigos para siempre.