Method Behind the Madness

"If this is madness then call it madness. I only know I'll never rest 'til you are mine." - from "The Student Prince" lyrics by Paul Francis Webster

Do you ever look back on all that you have accomplished or failed and thought, "Wow! That was a lifetime." or do you think of everything you have gotten yourself into and thought "Why do I have to be so crazy." If you have ever thought either one of those then you will understand what I am about to tell you.

When you're a kid life is all about learning your strengths and testing your boundaries. To your parents you gave both a reason to live and a reason to want to curl up and die at times. But until you are older they never really have the opportunity to unfurl your wings and extend your boundaries. For example: 5 year old me saw school as my older sisters sitting in desks in the basement watching movies all day. 17 year old me saw school as sitting in the basement watching soap operas after fast forwarding through video school, then skimming history textbooks and working on my "Civics Project" via Carol's Web while playing online cribbage. Don't ask which one taught me more. Being homeschooled was both a refuge from cruel humans and a restraint from joining them. Fast forward to this last year and you will see me hammering away at continuing education on that same old internet with the plans to do a destination class next year. What most of my extended family probably views as a mess my clients and immediate family see as tenacity. The tenacity that fought against the constraints of a hyper-protective family turned into the perseverance to finish a divorce and start over while fighting for love and protection OF my family. Sure, you could say, "Elise, you had everything- a bigish business; the house; the car; the husband who gave you diamonds. You left and let all of that crash and burn." What you didn't know was that I prefer diamonds in a drill bit or a lazer... not in a bracelet that my husband went into debt for while the company was already on the rocks.

I left a seemingly successful life and divorced my husband because I saw the madness of pretense and the misery of being parted from my children. Now my current husband and I are happy because we are a team with similar values and similar goals. He reminds me every day that the real madness was in fighting for a life that didn't let me live. I had been fighting for a love that didn't love me back. Now I can continue to be a mom, business owner, friend, therapist, lover, and wife without fearing that my personal values are not shared with my husband. I don't have to fear that the real fight was for freedom.